


Inevitable

by cjwritergal



Category: Final Fantasy VII, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: F/M, Gen, anti-CloTi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-08
Updated: 2007-02-08
Packaged: 2018-01-11 15:59:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1174991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjwritergal/pseuds/cjwritergal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It seemed as though she had spent her whole life searching, but now she knew...it really was inevitable." Companion piece to "Wordless".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inevitable

It wasn't exactly something I could avoid- just like everyone else, my mother gave birth to me. But unlike some other people, my mother did not live through that birth.

And yet, almost from the first few breaths of my life, I knew I was loved. I knew I was beautiful. And like every child that grew up knowing that, like every child that was secretly scared and lonely, I used that knowledge.

_It was... inevitable, really._

And like every child that is scared and lonely and beautiful- I was a tormentor. Small, insignificant things that I did were no consequence to me- they were only a passing thought. After all, everyone loved me. That was all that mattered.

Among those I tormented, among those that I was sure loved me, was a boy. Looking back now- I can see that he was one of the only ones who didn't love me. He just thought he was supposed to. Even in my self-absorbed state, I sensed something different about him. That he didn't love me the same way everyone else loved me. That he was powerful- destined to be a hero.

And as far as I was concerned- he would be  _my_  hero.

The day came when he left. He met me in private, and I all but forced him to promise to rescue me, once he was famous. He was joining SOLDGIER, to become like the Great Sephiroth. He would be in the newspapers. He would be my hero.

Years passed. The day arrived when he finally came back. With him was the Great Sephiroth, whom everyone admired. The Great Sephiroth, that Cloud, the not so little boy, idolized.

It was during those few days that Sephiroth destroyed our town, sending it in flames. It was during those few days that he murdered my father. It was during those few days- seeing Sephiroth standing in the fire of my home- that Cloud fulfilled his promise to me, and saved my life. After, he left again.

_It was inevitable, really._

Again, years passed. I looked back on who I had been- a immature, vain, girl, and despaired. I had matured over the years, as most people do. I had seen suffering first hands- or so I had thought. In many ways, I was still the little girl from all those years ago. And then, he came.

Cloud came back. Back to me, I thought. But the years had changed him too- and he was not the Cloud that I had never really known- no, he was even more of a stranger.

He...frightened me.

He was cold, and cruel, and selfish. He did not remember the promise, nor did he particularly want to keep it. It seemed he had grown up much differently than I- he grew with hate and suffering, while I sat upon the sidelines. But it was this very thing, which drew me to him- his aloof and cool nature, and I realized that I was starting to love him. But he still frightened me too much, and the two sides of my heart could not coexist. I tried in vain to push down my fear and guilt, and act instead upon the feelings of love that I felt growing. But I was too late.

_It was...inevitable really._

Because then she came. And toward her he was not cold or cruel- no, he was anything but. She was happy and powerful and mysterious, and I knew that he was beginning to love her. My hero would not save me again, but I held on all the tighter.

And she joined with us, her powers essential to the victory we now sought- to destroy that madman that had murdered my father so long ago. We would stop him- we had to.

And as we journeyed, I grew. As we journeyed, I loved Cloud more and could not fully hate the woman that was slowly winning his heart. As we journeyed, only a part of me hated her and wanted her gone. But I forgot the saying 'be careful what you wish for...'

_It ...was inevitable...really..._

'...because it just might come true...'

And I only realized how much I loved Cloud, and how much I cared for  _her_  when she kneeled in the iridescent light, and was murdered by the madman.

Aerith...died, and Cloud's heart died with her.

I had wanted her gone, and now she was. I was free to love him without any opposition from her- and I realized I had never hated even a part of her. I had always hated myself. For my childishness, for my anger and cowardice and weakness...I hated myself, more than I ever hated Sephiroth. For now I was free to be with him and love him now that she was out of the way- and sometimes I wondered who was more of a monster- Sephiroth, or myself. But I pushed those feelings down too, and moved on.

As time passed, I began to fear Cloud less. But there was no smile, no look of love for me. And I didn't deserve it either. I was deceiving him- keeping secrets of his own life and the truth of what he remembered of me. To him we were 'childhood friends' but that was a lie. I didn't know why he didn't remember, but I felt that if he knew, he would be truly gone from me, and I would never get him back. But eventually he remembered.

_It was inevitable. Really..._

And he was gone.

I tried, so hard, to tell him how I felt, to hold him back. Words aren't the only way to express how we feel, and I wanted him to KNOW that. But nothing I did changed his cold glances, or healed his sick heart. Time passed, and nothing changed. We fought Sephiroth, we won, and the planet was saved by none other than Aerith- whom I had thought to despise- the woman that held Cloud's heart.

And for that moment, that suspending moment when you don't know if you're going to live or die, Cloud told me of his heart- to meet 'her' in the Promised Land. For the  _first_ time... he told me what he  _wanted_ , what he  _felt_...for the  _ **first time**_...he really...spoke to me...and all he wanted...was to leave me behind.

That was when I realized that he would never love me. That was when I realized that I had never, would never, hold his heart. That was when I realized how absurdly selfish, and childish I was. How cruel I had been... How foolish... for I still clung to him. My lifeline, my love, I hung onto him all the more for the rejection I now could not hide. He would never...want to be...with me.

It hurt...so much...

But I knew I had lost him long ago, and that I had no one to blame but myself. I, who had been so cruel to him as a child, I who still had not grown up, had lost him. And now I would repent for my actions. There was only one thing I could do- and my still weak heart hoped that perhaps with this act, maybe he dl change his heart...

I should have known then, that hearts do not change easily.

So I did the only thing I could do. I grew up.

_I suppose...it was inevitable...really..._

So I grew.

In some ways, it hurt more than the rejection had- for I was dropping pieces of myself- my shattered broken self - along as I went. There was no cure for the pain, and the pieces continued to fall.

Cloud seemed to loose himself all over again. So full of hope had he been, at our journey's end, elated that perhaps he would find  _her_  again. He was always looking, everyday with renewed desperation, for a sign, a word, a  _place_ , things that took him even farther from me.

So I built myself a family.

There was Marlene, Barret's adopted daughter. She was sweet and kind, like the child I had always wanted- and in a way, like  _her_. She always seemed more aware of things than the rest of us were- more connected than we could have ever dreamed.

Then, there was Denzel. An orphan, newly so because of the collapse of the Reactor in Sector Seven. When the plate crashed down, his parents were killed. Maybe I took him in because of my guilt, maybe because in some ways he was like Cloud- or maybe because Cloud himself found him.

Cloud was...Cloud, I suppose. He was never done looking. He was never satisfied. He was always so busy looking somewhere else that he never really looked at us anymore. And I realized...that Cloud was breaking again.

It never ended. It never stopped. We were...always fighting. For our hearts, our homes, and, our lives. So, when danger came again, once more in Sephiroth's wake, it was no surprise, really.

_It was...inevitable..._

My 'family' was shattered. Denzel was dying, and then kidnapped, along with Marlene, and Cloud was more distant than ever. What would it be, a memory, or us? I demanded from him- and received no direct answer to a question I didn't need to ask.

He would always be looking.

Somehow...I think I felt her there too. I know he did, he would look off and his eyes would fade and I knew he saw nothing but her...or he would get quiet and drive off someplace- returning with flowers from a nameless field. But this time...this time, I felt her too. I knew she was protecting him, protecting us, and in my own way, I loved her all the more. She was my best friend- even in death. She used her power to rain from the heavens- to heal Denzel, and the twisted soul of our enemy. It was so...peaceful. I only felt one drop of the rain, of the lifestream. But in that drop I  _knew_  that I felt her- and for a moment I felt like crying. For I had this little piece of her, and could go on, and in a way we had more too. And Cloud stood in her rain, happier than I had seen him in years, holding more than anyone else- and at the same time, grasping less.

So when he left again, I did not wonder. I knew.

The flowers kept coming- and slowly I think Cloud was healing. But then our world shattered yet again.

_It was inevitable really..._

For now there was not one world- our world –there was many.

There were doors to each world, and terrible beings that stole our hearts scattered now within them. Heartless, they were called. When our world fell apart, Cloud was separated from me- from us. I don't know how many escaped...

But I saw many die.

Die. Die. DIE- in this black thing, this peril that we could not stop, could not save.

They DIED! They're never coming back...we can't bring them back...we can't do anything. I was separated from everyone, but somehow- I lived.

I lived. As Marlene had not, as Denzel had not. I survived, and moved forward.

The planet was gone, and in its place was pain and terror. I clung desperately to what I thought I knew- Cloud. I had to find him. So I began my journey.

I can't count how many battles I've fought. I can't count how many wounds I sustained, or the number of horrors I came across...and still, I kept journeying.

Eventually...I found them.  _All_  of them. Those that had survived- and those that had not.

For she was there too. Aerith- alive and well and glowing as always...my best friend.

Yuffie was there, so was Cid. And they told me that Cloud was here, somewhere. So I began looking for him again. No matter where I turned, I could not find him. I even resorted to looking under desks. He was nowhere to be found. But then...I went outside.

I saw him, arms crossed, asking a young boy with an oversized key (Who, I'd been told, was our hope in saving the world) about Sephiroth. Once again, our battle was never over. But then...she...came. And he spoke to her, voice soft.

" **No matter how far away I am...I'll always come back."**  He spoke to her, hopefully. And she knew... "... _Your light will lead you back here again."_

_Inevitable...really..._

He left, and I followed.

I didn't know why I was following him anymore. I didn't know why I still clung on to this old piece of myself...the piece that hoped and dreamed for Cloud's love. All I saw was the bright shimmer of possibility- my  _last_  chance. I could show him my light, and maybe he would come back.

Before I left, I learned that he had fought Sephiroth here before, not that I was surprised. They had fought on the roof of the house where the others were, in Tranverse town. Sephiroth had run, and Cloud had been determined to follow.

When I found them, they were fighting. I ran forward desperately, offering my own light to Cloud. But all it seemed to do was blind him, before a light began to glow from within himself. He beat Sephiroth back, and chased after him again, without another glance at me. He really didn't want me with him.

And that...was when I finally gave up.

I left. I didn't go home, for I had none. I just...ran.

I ran from him, from my problems, from everything. From the sick guilt that consumed me, the admittance that he was never mine to keep.

Eventually, I made it to Tranverse town.

I saw a man named Leon, scarred by those he had lost, open a letter and smile as wings floated off of it.

I saw Yuffie, running through the streets as usual, holding ice cream.

I saw Cid, toothpick instead of cigarette, falling out of his mouth.

I saw many face, some that were near and dear to me, and others I barely knew.

I saw Aerith, sitting on the roof, where Cloud had fought Sephiroth. It was as if she knew, without having been there. She looked up, at the stars, and  _I_  knew that somewhere, somehow, Cloud was looking up at them too.

They had never said 'I love you'. There were no 'I love yous.'

It was as if they always knew.

As if they were always meant to be.

_It was inevitable..._

It's been years since then. Time has passed, the world(s) have been thrown in and out of chaos, people have loved- and lost.

Sometimes, I think about those times, times when my heart was broken and speared, times where I thought I had lost everything...I think of those times, and I cannot fight my smile. Because I had finally let go.

I had finally seen the 'self' that I was running from- the self that I had buried with my foolishness, and my hardships. It was the self that my light had come from, the self that was strong and kind and thoughtful...the self I had forgotten.

I think of those times, and I feel regret. Regret, for the person I was, regret for all I did wrong, regret for not seeing happiness when I had so much...regret for not wishing happiness on my best friends earlier. Now I look at the picture I always keep handy, of their wedding, and I wipe the tears from my eyes. I do not regret them. I do not regret my decision- not even a little.

They had always been together- not time or space or evil, or even death could have stopped that. And I wanted them to be together.

I hear a footstep behind me and I smile again, knowing who it is. I had found someone for me after all, someone that I did not have to search for, or break my heart over- someone that was just  _there_. The 'someone' that I loved.

I turned around, and of course, he was there. He smiled, wiping his hair out of his eyes. I run into his arms and everything falls into place. I was here, and he was with me.

I lookup from his arms, at the face I know so well. I smile as his eyes meet mine.

I had found my happiness.

Sometimes, it feels as though I have spent my whole life searching for that happiness.

After everything that had happened, all that I had felt, I looked back and smiled more that ever. I had lost much, and gained more.

For now I knew... it really was inevitable.

* * *


End file.
